Merry Christmas

I remember two years ago at Christmas feeling the sadness that comes with wanting a child and not having one. I remember the urgency I felt and the helplessness I felt not knowing who our baby was and when he would come home. I remember some sort of serenity in knowing that it would likely be our last Christmas as a family of two.

I remember last year at Christmas. I remember the feeling of sadness that comes with having a child too new to know. I remember the feeling of unease I had as a first time mother, feeling completely inadequate and unsure of everything. I remember smiling at Everest's excitement at his first Christmas with a family and I remember some sort of serenity in knowing that it only got better from there on out.

And that brings us to this Christmas. I marvel at Everest's whole being. I am amazed at our perseverence as parents. I see ourselves in Everest and I am proud. I am unbelievably proud. He is this little being that has transformed our lives for the better without even trying, by just being.

And we continue to transform. A toast I made this year with Ryan was, "To our last Christmas as a family of three."

And I feel a sense of serenity in that.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!