I remember two years ago at Christmas feeling the sadness that comes with wanting a child and not having one. I remember the urgency I felt and the helplessness I felt not knowing who our baby was and when he would come home. I remember some sort of serenity in knowing that it would likely be our last Christmas as a family of two.
I remember last year at Christmas. I remember the feeling of sadness that comes with having a child too new to know. I remember the feeling of unease I had as a first time mother, feeling completely inadequate and unsure of everything. I remember smiling at Everest's excitement at his first Christmas with a family and I remember some sort of serenity in knowing that it only got better from there on out.
And that brings us to this Christmas. I marvel at Everest's whole being. I am amazed at our perseverence as parents. I see ourselves in Everest and I am proud. I am unbelievably proud. He is this little being that has transformed our lives for the better without even trying, by just being.
And we continue to transform. A toast I made this year with Ryan was, "To our last Christmas as a family of three."
And I feel a sense of serenity in that.
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
The Paperchase
The paperchase is fully on. However, the second time around is a breeze compared to the first. Preliminary application, check. Pre-clearance questions, check. Formal application submitted (health care affidavit, family questionnaire, background check releases, etc., etc.). Medicals, check. Employment letters, check. Police clearance letters, almost. Birth certificates, check. Marriage license, check. Financials, check. Most of this has to be notarized, then sent to the state in which they originated to have them state sealed, then they are sent to the Chinese Consulate to be authenticated. All of this takes TIME! We are now waiting for our formal application approval so that we can start our home study. Once our homestudy is completed we can submit for our I-800A approval through the US government. Lost yet?!? Things seem to be moving quickly but also seem to be moving slowly. The doctors who looked at Kingston's file said he seemed malnourished so I feel the rush to get the kid home for some good Wisconsin cheese.
I couldn't help myself but I bought Kingston some clothes the other day. Way too cute and so tiny compared to my big boy who is at this time going through a growth spurt like no other. He's eating and sleeping and for that matter acting like a teenage boy.
That's all I have for you right now. It was probably early to start a blog with not a lot to report but I'll keep you updated as things fall into place. I will hopefully have some news to report about an upcoming fundraiser/benefit we are doing to bring Kingston home. Mark your calendars for March 5 and I'll hopefully be able to confirm soon.
Thanks for all of the support out there. You all know who you are!
I couldn't help myself but I bought Kingston some clothes the other day. Way too cute and so tiny compared to my big boy who is at this time going through a growth spurt like no other. He's eating and sleeping and for that matter acting like a teenage boy.
That's all I have for you right now. It was probably early to start a blog with not a lot to report but I'll keep you updated as things fall into place. I will hopefully have some news to report about an upcoming fundraiser/benefit we are doing to bring Kingston home. Mark your calendars for March 5 and I'll hopefully be able to confirm soon.
Thanks for all of the support out there. You all know who you are!
Sunday, December 5, 2010
The Red Thread Serendipity
Ser·en·dip·i·ty
1. The faculty of making fortunate discoveries by accident.
2. The fact or occurrence of such discoveries.
3. An instance of making such a discovery.
Red Thread - Ancient Chinese Proverb
An invisible red thread connects those destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstances. The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break.
Our story:
A year ago we came home with Everest Chang Chunhui Lentz. Everest is everything we could dream for in a son. He is smart, funny and beautiful both inside and out. Below is my last blog post at livingwiththelittleone.blogspot.com. But first, let me explain the Red Thread Serendipity...
By chance I stumbled onto a woman's website who cares for a little boy in an Eastern European orphanage with Everest's same rare skin condition, Epidermolysis Bullosa. Every once and awhile I check in to see how they are doing. This last time I checked in I clicked on the author's profile and noticed for the first time that she had another blog. I clicked on this other blog and found that it was a blog for children waiting to be adopted in China. I scrolled through. I came across a boy who stopped me in my tracks and I thought, Mmmm...this boy looks a bit like Everest. I scrolled down further and saw that this little boy also had Epidermolysis Bullosa. I was immediately intrigued but I know myself and I know I can get carried away. I e-mailed the author for more information and Monday morning I checked my e-mail to find this little boy's file. Anxiously I opened the files to see where the boy lived. I clicked open a medical file and found that this little boy is in the same city that Everest lived in. He is at the same welfare institute that Everest spent his first four years of life. I started to freak out. I opened more pictures and the resemblance was startling. I opened up close up pictures of his skin and it looked just like Everest's skin. There are numerous subsets of this disease from minor to quite severe and statistically speaking, of the 18 or so million people living in this city, less than 400 would have Everest's skin condition. What are the chances? What are the chances?
Obviously we feel we need to move forward in adopting this little boy. I feel that if there is any chance that this little boy is a biological relation to Everest that it is our responsibility to make sure he comes home to us. It is a one and a million or trillion chance that we cannot ignore.
In the quiet of our house at night after Everest Chang Chunhui goes to sleep and I go in and turn off his lights, I look at him sleeping soundly and I sometimes still cannot believe he is our son. Through the entire adoption process you start to love a little child that you don't even know. You imagine his personality in his pictures, you read into what his facial expressions could possibly mean. You hope that tiny snapshots in time will give you insight into the life that your child is living without you. You worry about them, wonder if they are ok and you count down the seconds until you can finally meet them.
and then reality hits....
and the little person you have is a lot angrier than he is in the photos. He is scared and he is frustrated. However, wherever we went people could see the light in Everest's eyes. They could see his spirit whereas Ryan and I could not. We would sit in the hallway outside our hotel room while Everest was sleeping and think to ourselves, "What have we done? What have we done to our family? What have we done to our future?" And then the guilt sets in because a little 4 year old is sleeping steps away and he didn't ask to be taken from the only life he's ever known.
and then you board the flight to home...
I cannot put this adequately into words. It was unimaginable. It was horrible. For me, for Ryan, for Everest, for other passengers. It was one of the worst days of my life. What I remember the most about what I felt was that I would run my hands across my face and through my hair continuously as if trying to rub out the entire experience from my being. I will leave it at that. As hard as it is to put into words perhaps that means I shouldn't.
and then you land...
and family is there. And you cry out of shear exhaustion and fear of what your life has potentially become. You cry because a familiar face in a familiar land makes all the difference.
and then you drive home...
and a little boy is sleeping soundly next to you for the first time in days. He is home, we are home and our life begins.
and in some ways it is still beginning...
Life is a never ending learning curve. I look back and think of how far we've come as a family in such a short time. Ryan and I now see that spirit in Everest that everybody talked about in China. We learned to love. We learned to accept. We became stronger as individuals and as a family. When limitations are tested and pushed you realize what you are inside. This year has been hard, harder than anyone will ever know or understand, but it has been this year that has shaped us into what we are today and I would never want it any other way.
1. The faculty of making fortunate discoveries by accident.
2. The fact or occurrence of such discoveries.
3. An instance of making such a discovery.
Red Thread - Ancient Chinese Proverb
An invisible red thread connects those destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstances. The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break.
Our story:
A year ago we came home with Everest Chang Chunhui Lentz. Everest is everything we could dream for in a son. He is smart, funny and beautiful both inside and out. Below is my last blog post at livingwiththelittleone.blogspot.com. But first, let me explain the Red Thread Serendipity...
By chance I stumbled onto a woman's website who cares for a little boy in an Eastern European orphanage with Everest's same rare skin condition, Epidermolysis Bullosa. Every once and awhile I check in to see how they are doing. This last time I checked in I clicked on the author's profile and noticed for the first time that she had another blog. I clicked on this other blog and found that it was a blog for children waiting to be adopted in China. I scrolled through. I came across a boy who stopped me in my tracks and I thought, Mmmm...this boy looks a bit like Everest. I scrolled down further and saw that this little boy also had Epidermolysis Bullosa. I was immediately intrigued but I know myself and I know I can get carried away. I e-mailed the author for more information and Monday morning I checked my e-mail to find this little boy's file. Anxiously I opened the files to see where the boy lived. I clicked open a medical file and found that this little boy is in the same city that Everest lived in. He is at the same welfare institute that Everest spent his first four years of life. I started to freak out. I opened more pictures and the resemblance was startling. I opened up close up pictures of his skin and it looked just like Everest's skin. There are numerous subsets of this disease from minor to quite severe and statistically speaking, of the 18 or so million people living in this city, less than 400 would have Everest's skin condition. What are the chances? What are the chances?
Obviously we feel we need to move forward in adopting this little boy. I feel that if there is any chance that this little boy is a biological relation to Everest that it is our responsibility to make sure he comes home to us. It is a one and a million or trillion chance that we cannot ignore.
In the quiet of our house at night after Everest Chang Chunhui goes to sleep and I go in and turn off his lights, I look at him sleeping soundly and I sometimes still cannot believe he is our son. Through the entire adoption process you start to love a little child that you don't even know. You imagine his personality in his pictures, you read into what his facial expressions could possibly mean. You hope that tiny snapshots in time will give you insight into the life that your child is living without you. You worry about them, wonder if they are ok and you count down the seconds until you can finally meet them.
and then reality hits....
and the little person you have is a lot angrier than he is in the photos. He is scared and he is frustrated. However, wherever we went people could see the light in Everest's eyes. They could see his spirit whereas Ryan and I could not. We would sit in the hallway outside our hotel room while Everest was sleeping and think to ourselves, "What have we done? What have we done to our family? What have we done to our future?" And then the guilt sets in because a little 4 year old is sleeping steps away and he didn't ask to be taken from the only life he's ever known.
and then you board the flight to home...
I cannot put this adequately into words. It was unimaginable. It was horrible. For me, for Ryan, for Everest, for other passengers. It was one of the worst days of my life. What I remember the most about what I felt was that I would run my hands across my face and through my hair continuously as if trying to rub out the entire experience from my being. I will leave it at that. As hard as it is to put into words perhaps that means I shouldn't.
and then you land...
and family is there. And you cry out of shear exhaustion and fear of what your life has potentially become. You cry because a familiar face in a familiar land makes all the difference.
and then you drive home...
and a little boy is sleeping soundly next to you for the first time in days. He is home, we are home and our life begins.
and in some ways it is still beginning...
Life is a never ending learning curve. I look back and think of how far we've come as a family in such a short time. Ryan and I now see that spirit in Everest that everybody talked about in China. We learned to love. We learned to accept. We became stronger as individuals and as a family. When limitations are tested and pushed you realize what you are inside. This year has been hard, harder than anyone will ever know or understand, but it has been this year that has shaped us into what we are today and I would never want it any other way.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)