Rule #1: no hitting. Rule #2: no spitting Rule #3: no whining

I think I’m fully-recovered from yesterday’s rant.  It was cathartic.  I am actually witty and smiling at work today.  SHOCKING, I know.

The kids were wonderful today in getting ready.  There was minimal stalling and minimal whining.  Again, SHOCKING, I know.  Kingston even got out my sandals for me.  In response I started stomping my feet, hitting the wall and yelling, “BUT YOU NEED TO HELP MOMMA.  I CAAAAAN’T PUT ON MY SANDALS.  UGH UGH UGH.  I CAAAAAAAN’T.  HELP MEEEEEEE NOW!!!!!!!”  Kingston stopped laughing long enough to look at me and simply say, “Momma you whining!” 

My Rants - I apologize in advance

Dear first born,

Why must you thwart my efforts at getting us out of the house early?  We were so close today.  We were at the shoe putting on point in the routine, when all of a sudden I hear the familiar bellow of, “MOOO-OOOOM I GOTTA GO POOOO-OOOOP.”  Son, you are not an in-and-out-get-um-done sort of boy.  You are a lackadaisical pooper.  I have always known it was a matter of time before books started to accompany you into the potty and last week it happened.  Now we are going to be officially unable to remove your booty from the toilet seat.  Regardless of my encouraging, “Everest, let’s get a move on, squeeze those suckers out,” you sit and sit and sit and sit.

Dear daycare lady,

Don’t you realize that I am in a hurry in the morning?  Why must you thwart my efforts of getting to work on time now that we are not early from above mentioned son’s pooping?  You tell me that my youngest son didn’t get to go to swimming lessons, yes swimming lessons THAT WE PAID FOR, because we wrapped up his owie.  For your information, the owie was wrapped up in Coban wrap, which is what we use for swimming.  By the way, I told the other teacher that he could go in the water with it on.  Oh, you didn’t know that?!?  Why must you admit that to me?  That just shows that there is NO COMMUNICATION going on there.  Oh, but he had fun playing with all of the toys there?  That’s nice.  Did I mention that WE PAID FOR SWIMMING LESSONS NOT TOY PLAYING?!?  Yeah, we did.

By the way, how about trying to teach my boy some ABCs or 123s?  I know that you are just trying to get through the day while dealing with maniacal children, same as the rest of us parents.  But unlike parents, YOU GET PAID FOR IT!!!!!!!

Dear slow driver,

Why must you actually make me late for work?  I realize that you are as old as dirt and probably can’t see but the speed limit says 55, which means you go at least 60.  NOT 43!!!!  Oh, you don’t know where you are going?  GET A MAP.  Or if you are technically savvy, which you are apparently not since you can’t drive your car, there is this thing called a GPS.  Oh, you were in the 3^rd Infantry?  You know how I know that?  You were driving so slow that I had a lot of time to study your license plate.  Thanks for serving our country now how about serving me and getting off the damn road.

Happy 4th of July

I’m back again. 

I know that at least my dad still reads this.  He told me last night.  So I’m back again.  Even though he knows 99% of my stories before I write them.

We had a HOT 4^th of July like so many others in the midwest.  We started the day by crashing our neighborhood association picnic.  It would have been great to hang out there longer if
A) it wasn’t 200 degrees in the shade.

B) they had alcoholic beverages.

So given that these two things didn’t work to our advantage, we didn’t stay long.  Plus, we never paid our neighborhood association dues.  We took off before we were found out.  I can hear them whispering right now, “Those Lentz’s…they never paid their $20….Those kids?!?  I can hear those two kids screaming down the block….And the parent’s?!?  I would hardly call them parents…More like white trash babysitters.  Did you see them in their front yard drinking as the kids rode their bikes?  And was that music coming out of their garage?  I mean, what is this the trailer park?  We just don’t get those kinds around here.”

Then we went to the pool where we continued to class it up.  On my watch Mr. Kingston kept on running back to our chairs and I caught a glimpse of him holding his wenus (ha, like the term?!?).  I thought, oh boy, he is going to want to potty on the GRA (see subsequent post).  I asked him if he had to potty and he said yes.  After quickly putting on my shoes (I should mention that he didn’t have a diaper on at this point – it had already exploded) I picked him up and we made it about 3 steps before I felt a bit of warmth and then a lot of warmth cascading down the side of me.  THE KID PEED ON ME.  I washed myself off in the pool  - thanks for the chlorine bath Middleton Pool – and we left.  We marked our territory, thank you and goodbye.

The next day (it should be illegal to have to work the day after the 4^th) I dropped KT off at daycare and the teacher told me, “Oh my goodness, little Mr. Kingston is doing such a good job at pottying in the toilet.” 

Thank you and goodbye.

Summertime Part Two

Can I just say how much I love summer?  How I wish the winter months existed only to give me a couple of snow days off from work?  Summer is just EASY.  No coats to put on, no mittens to get lost, no boots to track in snow.  Clothing is EASY - here kid put on your swimmers.  They kinda look like shorts and you don't need your under grunders.  Summer is so easy that we keep on forgetting to bring Kingston's diapers with us to the beach.  His diapers get so full of water and expand so much that they explode and deposit the white inards wherever he plants his bottom, which is ok because unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you look at it) Kingston has taken a liking to peeing outside on the grass.  He says, "I wanna potty in the GRA (note no S sound)."  He says this loud. and gets louder if you do not answer to his piss whim right away.  He will not be deterred.  It makes me giggle.  So yesterday at the state park I had to take him behind some cars so he could pee.  He does a good job and gets a total kick out of himself.  However, he started to bend over so that he could poop too and I draw the line at pooping outside.  He may act like one sometimes but he is not a bear.  Everest told Kingston he was going to call the police on him since he was peeing outside and then proceeded to ask if he too could pee outside.  The sheriff shall be visiting us at any point I am to assume.  The only problem I see with this whole scenario (besides older calling the cops on the younger, which is something that could feasibly happen in the future) is that now Kingston wants to whip out his wee to pee on things besides the GRA.  Yesterday he wanted to pee in the bath and then walked his little nakedness over to the shower and pretended to pee on the door.  He didn't but it is just a matter of time as he thinks he is quite witty while doing these shenanigans.  Ah but I digress.  I love summer.  The past two weekends were filled with exploring Madison and the surrounding area finding lakes and state parks for the boys to play in.  Today we are heading to the pool before going to my friend's daughter's birthday party, where there will be more water.  The heat is so crazy that it is the only thing to do.  Oh darn, let's go swimming again.  Ahhh, with swimming comes ice cold margaritas.  No wonder I love the summer months.  Talk to you later, gotta go pee in the GRA.

Summertime

Hello again!

I’ve been really bad at blogging.  I thought I’d make a go of it for a bit and then life got in the way again.  It has a tendency to do that.  I am going to try one more time to keep up the blog and if I can’t then I am going to put it to bed.  As a follower of a few mommy blogs now I am ultra disappointed and feel it a personal slight when someone I don’t even know doesn’t update their blog on a regular basis so in light of trying not to do that to whoever may be still out there I will either keep this going regularly (every two weeks) or I’ll say my goodbyes as I retire from blogging.

The summer is in full swing in Madison, however, it doesn’t feel too much like summer because I am missing the familiarity of our summers in Whitefish Bay.  I miss having our friends over for drinks and dinner in the backyard.  I miss the quick walks up to the water fountains for Everest to play.  I miss the way it felt.  But in time I will establish new traditions and new feelings and I’ll look forward to summers in Madison rather than missing summers in Whitefish Bay. 

Kingston’s language is progressing very well.  I think he will at some point require some speech therapy but we are not too concerned at this point because everything is just so new still.  He is working on saying Everest instead of Eva.  He is trying to get the “st” sound down.  Instead of “st” he does a “ta”  so every time before he tries to say Everest’s name he says, “ta, ta ta, Evata.”  At least we are up to three syllables. 

Everest is doing amazing.  We had a rough spot for a bit where we were coming out of the honeymoon phase of being home with Kingston but it seems like things have leveled out for now.  He is back to his charming effervescent self.  He is making us laugh again and I have even heard his laugh (my favorite sound in the world).

Funny stuff:

Everest referring to people’s cabins as their cabinets.  He likes cabinets.

Everest referring to sky scrapers as scrape towers.  He also likes scrape towers.

Have you ever read the books, “If you give a moose a muffin” or “If you give a cat a cupcake?”  They are sort of cute but sort of make me want to shoot myself.  Anyway, if you have read them you will get this.  Ryan opened a beer the other day and it was slippery as he went to pick it up off of the counter.  It ends up slipping out of his hands and spiraling on the floor spraying beer everywhere.  Everest says, “If you give a daddy a beer he’s going to drop it and if he drops it he is going to get another one.”

Scary stuff ending with a funny stuff:

We had quite the scare on Friday.  Ryan took the day off of work and I was working from home in the morning (had a half day in the afternoon).  Ryan got up early to work on the playset in the backyard and was out there for about a half an hour before he came inside from getting stung multiple times by bees.  Within minutes he was starting to develop a burning, itching rash all over his body.  Within ten minutes he was out the door to urgent care.  Within a half an hour I got a call saying he was being taken by ambulance to the hospital after suffering from anaphylaxis from multiple bee stings.  It was a scary scene at the hospital but he was talking and was ok.  They wanted him to spend the night because of fear of “rebounding” but we were able to leave around 6:30.  I picked Everest up for school and he was somewhat annoyed that his playset was not put together yet.  I told him that he should be more concerned about his dad and not worried about his playset and that he shouldn’t talk to me for a while.  After about five minutes (apparently enough time in his mind of being quiet) he said to me, “Mommy, I am really con-corned about daddy.”  So he may not have been concerned but at least he was con-corned.  Happy, happy, happy and relieved that Ryan is ok.  He now has to carry an epi-pen with him wherever he goes and he is going to start bee desensitization through an allergist. 

Kingston, while improving on the language front, has become quite a beast in the behavior area.  Whoa!  He’s been bad.  When he doesn’t get what he wants when he wants it (from me only) he will FREAK OUT.  Yelling, kicking, spitting.  His favorite to say during that time is, “MOMMA, YOU GO WAY (away)!!!!  MOMMA YOU TINKY (stinky)!!!!”  Charming little boy, right?!?  He is a real treasure during those times.  However, the last few days he has been AWESOME! 

The boys are loving being outside and playing with their pool, water guns, water balloons and hoses.  They are completely enamored with the kids next door.  When the girls are around our boys want nothing to do with us.  It’s kind of sad but also kind of AWESOME.  Last night the kids were in the house long enough to get their swimmers on before heading out for two hours to the next door neighbor’s house.  I did not get asked to give an underdog once!  In fact, when I tried to, Kingston said he wanted one from the neighbor girl.  Again, AWESOME.  I went inside and poured another glass of wine.  In just rereading this paragraph, I realized that saying my child wanted an underdog from the girl next door sounded really naughty.  Thatta boy!

Back in the Blogging Saddle Again

You know you're in trouble if your husband asks if you brushed your teeth in the same voice he uses when he asks your boys if they brushed their teeth.  The next question is obviously, why is your husband asking if you brushed your teeth?

You know you've found your soul mate when you tell your husband that your brilliant idea is to bring wine to the school fun fair in a travel mug and he replies that you probably shouldn't.  Not because he thinks it is wrong, because he thinks you'll spill it.  And he's right, you probably will.

You know that your children are amazing when they do something that is so beyond their years that it literally takes your breath away. 

Back to the trouble part. 

You know you're in trouble when you are too tired to get up in the morning so you don't shower.  Instead you just put your hair in a ponytail.  Only your hair is too short for a ponytail.  It looks really sad.  You put on a skirt to compensate for your greasy hair.  You go to put on your shoes (heels to further compensate) and you realize that you haven't shaved your legs in at least a week (or two...).  You toss all care aside and go to work, skirt and all.  And that's the hotness folks.

In other news...we've come to realize that Kingston thinks that Ronald McDonald is the same man who owns the farm.  Whenever we say, "Wanna go to McDonalds?" Kingston will sing, "EIEIO."  That is not the amazing beyond their years stuff that I'm talking about. 

All of a sudden Everest can not only ride a two wheel bike but shit, he can also read.  I guess that is what school does for a kid.  When did this big boy stuff happen.  Oh, I know, it was while I was drinking wine from the travel coffee mug.

                                                     Some from the archives

Makeshift  Belt

The Neglected Son

I Heart China

Drink Dichotomy



Makin' Momma Proud

Precarious Times

Apparently I still have readers out there.

It is hard to believe but lately I’ve been at a loss for words. I’ve just been struggling lately. Our whole little family seems to be struggling quite a bit. And for the first time in a long time I don’t want to share it. I think that as the kids get older that sharing their stories will get harder because their stories become theirs to tell. Part of what people like about my blog is my honesty so when I am not able to be honest I have a hard time writing my blog. I guess I will have to be cautiously vague in some respects for the protection of my boys.

There are behavioral issues and they are just coming to light right now. I don’t know if it is a delayed reaction to all of the “trauma” our family has been through in the past few months or something else. I have no way of knowing because no one is talking. But it scares me. We have this picture perfect family that isn’t so picture perfect. And although no one is perfect, I’d like to think that we could at least tackle the being happy part of life. But alas, life doesn’t always have a cherry on top. However, when you are a kid it should. I feel bad. I feel sad. I feel helpless and sometimes hopeless. I need to remind myself that we are all still learning. Learning and making mistakes. It’s rough. It is so hard right now. I wish I could make all of the bad stuff go away. I want to whisk away hardship for my boys and never have sadness touch their minds, never have tears on their cheeks or hear distress in their voice. But I am only a mom and moms can only do so much. There are inner demons that moms cannot conquer for their children. There are traumas that are not only skin deep but touch the core and moms are sometimes no match for that. But how does a kid work through that? Why does a kid have to? Kids are resilient but they are resilient up until a point and at what point do they get broken for good. What happens when their batteries run out? I don’t want to lose the innocence that I know will someday be lost. How do I hold onto that as long as possible? How do they hold onto it?

I ache for my boys. I understand it now when my mom says, when you hurt, I hurt. When you are sad, I am sad. A mother’s life is so entwined in their children that emotions become one. I wish I could inverse it so that my boys could feel what I feel instead. That way they would see how spectacular they are – how smart, how funny, how beautiful inside and out.