First Week of Daycare

The first week of being back to work is done. Done. I am tired. I have escaped upstairs. There is some sort of football game going on between the boys downstairs. A lot of screaming is involved. I actually made a dessert. That’s totally sick. It’s in the freezer freezing or doing whatever it is it is supposed to do before I dip it in chocolate. I am not sure what got into me. I don’t even eat desserts. Am I turning into a domesticated woman? I doubt it. I hope not.

Today we drove to Milwaukee to Everest’s friend’s birthday party. We were two blocks from our old house. I was too sad to drive by. It would have broke my heart all over again.

It smells like burnt chocolate in the house, which doesn’t make sense since this is a frozen dessert I am making.

I hope the kids go to sleep soon.
It’s only 6:30.

There is a large pile of laundry on the chair in the living room next to me. It’s almost like I didn’t see it until just now and I’ve been sitting here for a good half an hour. Scary.

I need a cleaning lady.
Ryan not working on Fridays isn’t going to cut it unfortunately.

The football players just trampled up the stairs. Dang, so much for my escape.

Random Thursday Thoughts

And already it is December. Kingston has been with us for over a month, which to me is insane. We are still trying to adjust to all of the newness in our home. Kingston is pretty amazing. He is just this little fragile being but at the same time he is a tough brute. I think he is a sensitive soul. I think both of my boys are. Kingston is not loving daycare. Mom is not loving dropping Kingston off at daycare. The little lamb-head howls. It gets worse everyday. Now it starts as soon as I ask him to brush his teeth. It is completely heart-wrenching. I know that everybody says that he will get used to it and that kids react this way but our situation it is different. Every morning Kingston probably thinks he is being dropped off to stay. He probably thinks that if he is a good boy we will pick him up at the end of the day. I know this by his complete surprise and unbelievable happiness when we pick him up at night. I want to be able to tell him that we will not leave him, that it is not another orphanage but I cannot and this breaks me each day.

In other news, Kingston is eating like a professional. He can put down the food. Last night he had about 10 chicken nuggets, which kind of disgusts me. He needs to fatten up though. Luckily enough for Ryan and I, Kingston seems to go to the bathroom at school so that we do not have to deal with the consequences of too much unfamiliar food. We knew he loved us.

Kingston got footie pajamas from his Grandma BJ and Grandpa Kirby and the kid looks awesome in them. Everest wanted some so I was able to find some. The two of them in their footies is pretty great. Took some good pictures last night of my footied kids. I will try to post them later.

We’ve laid down the law in our house that mom is not a jungle gym. It seems that whenever I sit on the couch I am trampled on. With Kingston it isn’t so bad because it is like a pesky fly that lands on you but with 45 lbs of Everest it can get a bit dangerous.

The boys have a habit of walking around while brushing their teeth just like Ryan. This is a habit of Ryan’s that I detest on many levels. Now the kids will walk out of the bathroom, footy pajamas on and toothbrushes hanging from their mouths. I will yell, “Get back in the bathroom,” and will chase them back in. Well now it has turned into a game where they run back into the bathroom and Ryan and I hide. We proceed to scare the crap out of them when they come out. There is going to be a lot of dental work if this continues.

Everest is doing better at not annoying me. Yesterday he managed to keep his hands to himself for the most part. The other day I caught him coming out of my closet where the Christmas presents are. He said he was just looking at my clothes. Um yeah, I don’t have spiderman T-shirts so there is no way you are looking at clothes. I told him to say goodbye to his Christmas presents. A massive mental breakdown ensued where there was the continuous mantra of howling, “No goodbye my Christmas presents.” I am a softie and told them I wouldn’t take them back after Ryan told me that he looked at Christmas presents too as a kid. What?!? I never did that. Just another difference between boys and girls I suppose. How are we wired so differently?

Today is my birthday. I am 34. I am not too excited to be 34 but there is some sort of level of excitement still on having a birthday. I used to do it up on my birthday but kids put a damper on all you can drink at the Nitty Gritty. I can’t believe I am 34. Seriously. Where did the last 34 years go? I have a husband and two kids and a cat and a house? No wait, I still have two houses. I am an adult. Why do I not feel like an adult? At some point do we start feeling like adults? I don’t think I want to.

Whoever said that having kids was rewarding? I do not feel rewarded. I feel tired. Having kids makes you tired. Having kids makes you feel pretty crabby. Having kids ages you. Will my kids pay for botox? I love them but wow. You should see us at night. Not sure how people maintain a relatively peaceful existence with two kids. We were duped.

First Day

Today was Kingston's first day at daycare and he broke my heart. I told Ryan that I couldn't take him in for his first day. I didn't think I could leave him there. My baby is so fragile in so many ways and I didn't want to be the one responsible for breaking him. By pushing it on Ryan I remained innocent. I thought about him the entire day. I picked mr. slim pants up tonight and I think he was shocked to see me. I think he thought that daycare was his new orphanage and it made me so sad. I hate to put that pain on him. I believe is quite happy to be a Lentz and all I want is for him to feel secure and to know that he isn't leaving us. However, he is just too young to understand. Everest was old enough to get it even with the language barrier. We would point to a picture of home and say "1", then point to school and say "2" and then finally point to home again and say "3." He got our diluted way of telling him how his day would go and it just worked. Beebs is another story. He is just such a baby in so many ways. But he got through it and I got through it and here we are. 10:00 at night. I am exhausted. Good night.

Hanging in there

We are alive and well. A few days after we got home I was done. My body was done with me. My immune system said enough is enough of you. I gave you my all for two months. Done. I got sick. I had a fever for about 7 days that wouldn't break. In the middle of it all Ryan also got sick and missed his first day back to work. Thankfully the kids stayed healthy. Needless to say we've had issues just catching up with a life that is moving too fast. I started to feel better right before we hosted Thanksgiving dinner at our house. Luckily enough my dad handled the cooking and both my parents and Ryan's mom brought the side dishes. All I needed to do was buy the turkey and make some dips and instant mashed potatoes. Yesterday Ryan's mom and sister watched the kids while Ryan and I ran to Target to buy some much needed lamps for our living room. It was amazing to just get out of the house to do something for the house without bundling up two kids. It was easy. It made us feel normal. Today is the first day that we are really alone, both home with the kids and feeling ok. After waking up with Everest for a bit this morning I was able to go back to sleep until 10. Kingston luckily can log some hours in the sleep department if everything is quiet around him. It's just a struggle to keep things quiet until he decides to wake up. He usually wakes up completely soaked. Headed back to target today to figure out the diaper situation. Kingston is really quite proud of himself when he pees in his little baby toilet. He lets out a "YAAAAAY!" And there are high fives all around. The other day we were out and he went into the bathroom with me. He got very excited that I went pee in the toilet. He said, "YAAAAAY Momma!" and proceeded with giving me a high five. More later, off to conquer the day.

Home Sweet Home

So we're living a strange little existence here at the Lentz household. I think we would be having a pretty good time except for the fact that exhaustion set in and so did some viruses. I have run a fever for the past three days. Ryan has a sinus infection. The boys are fine except that they suffered from jet lag quite a bit. Kingston isn't sleeping through the night. Every couple of hours you'll hear his little cry. It's getting old. Our house is a complete disaster. Both Ryan and I were too sick yesterday to do anything. Today I was at the doctor's office and then in bed while Ryan was on Kingston duty. We have dishes piled up like we are in college. Then you can add in the laundry from the trip and it's a bit out of control. We have piles of clean clothes scattered throughout the house. At least it is clean. It would be embarrassing if I wasn't so sick. My mom is coming up tomorrow to help out. We also don't have daycare set up for Kingston yet. We've looked at some places and found a couple of them that we like but I want to be able to ease him into it. We have been unable to do so given that I haven't felt like I could stand up straight for more than a half an hour at a time. I am supposed to go back to work on Monday. I am thinking it will be Tuesday. I did not estimate sickness into the mix when scheduling my departure.

Kingston is a crack up. His little personality is showing through quite a bit. We will really need to work on language with this guy. I think a speech pathologist is in his future. He seems to understand what we are saying but he did not have a lot of mandarin language skills to begin so I think there is a bit of delay there. He kind of grunts and whines to get what he wants. I don't think I would want to learn to speak either. Again, it's getting a bit old. I think he has the smarts - he understands commands like, "take your shoes off" and "go wash your hands." It's just that he is lagging a bit. I think he will catch on but it will take time.

I am completely over the potty training thing. He knows when he has to go and he tells us he went after the fact. It's beyond annoying.

I am just crabby.
And tired.
And sick.

Kids are eating McDonalds. That is showing that today I gave up. I couldn't even heat anything up.

The Last Few Days

The last day in Guangzhou was tough for me. I was so sad and I think the reasons behind it were many. I know a lot of adoptive parents are sad to leave their children’s birth country and I think that may have been part of it. I know that there is a certain sadness that comes with taking your children away from the only life they have ever known but in that respect that happened when we took Kingston out of the orphanage, a world away from the day-to-day lives of people in Beijing and Guangzhou. I think my sadness had to do with #1) We were leaving my “safe place.” I had no sadness upon leaving Beijing. We had been looking forward to leaving Beijing. Guangzhou was sunny, beautiful and warm. It had a pool for the kids to play in. We were as relaxed as one can be adopting a new child into our lives. I know that in parts of this blog I made this trip seem easy breezy. Adoption, even under the most ideal circumstances (which we had), is not at all easy. It was extremely hard. It was difficult for me to know that we were altering the happy family existence that we had for the unknown. We were taken out of a comfort level that was difficult for us to achieve as a family of three before we had potentially been ready to do so. Guangzhou put those difficulties and reservations on the back burner because it offered us a place to regroup from Beijing. It allowed us to put our defenses down and to take a breath. We were able to cross the street without completely fearing for our lives and the lives of our children. It allowed us to let our children run free just a little bit and play like children should be able to do. For me, Guangzhou will always hold a special place in my heart because it allowed me start to love Kingston and it allowed me to regain a level of patience with Everest. #2) I was extremely sad to say goodbye to our friends that we had grown so close to. After meeting Nancy, Tom, Betty and Eli in Beijing it was hard to say goodbye in Guangzhou. I couldn’t stop crying as it signified the end of our trip for me. Our friends were also our “safe place.” With them we were able to laugh and sometimes laughing is hard to come by when you are in China adopting a child. They just got it. It is hard to find people as good as they are. They were patient with us and they were patient with Everest. I know that we will remain close to them and we are looking forward to meeting the rest of their families in the hopefully near future. #3) Our adoption trip was done. We came, we saw, we did and we were leaving. And we were leaving with a child. We had faced the unknown and we persevered and we were moving on to face more unknowns. We will likely not adopt again. I know that we said that before and I will never say never but adoption at this point is extremely unlikely.

On our last day in Guangzhou, we woke up and had a relaxing breakfast with our friends. Kingston slept 15 hours so it was just Everest and I at breakfast. Everest has become a big boy who I actually allowed out of my sight to hit the buffet line on numerous occasions so that I could drink my coffee in relative peace. Our last day in Guangzhou was spent at a department store as it was raining. It was a tad bit of a sensory overload as is most experiences in China. We had to pick up toys and food for the trip home and as it was raining, what else is one going to do in China? We arrived back at the hotel to find out that we could board an earlier train so it was off to a quick McDonald’s lunch with our friends.

Getting the four of us checked out of the hotel was something of a fiasco. When we were just about packed up I asked Kingston if he had to “ney-neyo” knowing that he uses neyo-neyo interchangeably for #1 and #2. He looked right up at me and pushed some right on out. Great. So I started to change him and for some reason this time it made me dry heave. I was gagging and just about puking. Everest had never seen someone puke besides Kingston’s projectile vomit when we got him. He started bawling. I think he thought I was hurt. I was. That poop physically pained me. Two minutes after changing him, luggage in the doorway and he does it again. We can’t get out of the room because the kid kept pooping. We made it out of the room and checked out. The tears started as we were checking out. The receptionist asked if I was ok. Ryan told her that I was just so happy to be a Marriott Rewards Club member. We said our goodbyes. They were not fun for me as previously mentioned. We boarded our bus and waited at the train station for Kingston’s visa so that we could enter Hong Kong. We got on the later train so that all of us could sit together. We were traveling with another family and we made the two hour trek to HK. It was a long day for everybody. We arrived in HK around 7:00. Around 6:00 we thought we were there, packed up all of the kids’ toys, put Kingston in his carrier (not an easy task) and headed to the door. Someone who spoke English told us after the fact that we didn’t arrive until 7:00 so back we went. About halfway to HK we all realized we did not know where our hotel was in reference to the train station. After the two plus weeks we’d been through simple things had been forgotten and all rationality and common sense was long gone. We did manage to remember after a few minutes that we believed our hotel to be close to the train station. Luckily enough it was attached to the station. Oh and in the middle of all of this Ryan realized it was our anniversary. When we got to the hotel we ended up upgrading our room. We paid a fortune for it but the receptionist made it seem like a good idea. At that point anything sounded good but I could have slept in a suitcase and been fine. I really wanted Ryan to see some of HK so we dragged the kids out in the rain and found a restaurant. Everybody was exhausted but we managed to get a cab down to I don’t know where and found an Italian place. I went to the bathroom and a cook walked out without washing her hands. I ate anyway. I was too tired to complain. It was delicious. The kids ate like champs. It felt so good to be one step closer to home and to familiar food that wasn’t McDonalds.

We got up at the crack of dawn after only a few hours of sleep and off we went. As we waited for the hotel shuttle one of the hotel workers were trying to get Everest off of the floor. I freaked out at them and after a few attempts to make Everest get up they left us alone. I think I looked deranged and you would have thought they would have taken one look at me and decided it would have been in their best interest to leave us alone. They did not.

At the airport we had more pooping issues. Twice for KT and once for Everest. I don’t know what all happened but at one point while I was spending the last of our HK dollars I came back and Ryan frantically said he needed money. I asked why and he replied that he needed to tip the janitor for wiping Everest’s ass. I handed him the rest of our HK dollars. About $7 in US. Usually I feel like Everest should pay us to wipe his butt so it was the least I could do for a complete stranger.

The airplane ride wasn’t too atrocious. It was the best it could be for 14 hours with two kids, which is not good and was not fun but we got through it. I am glad it is over. Then we followed the fun of the plane ride with a three hour bus ride. Good times. Danielle met us at Memorial Union and brought us home. Kingston wasn’t sure what to make out of the place and definitely was not sure what to make out of the cat. He is warming up to both. He finds it funny that the cat’s food is on the floor. At least I think he does because he calls me over to look at it, says, “Meow” and giggles.

Kingston was not a fan of his new bedroom and crawled in with Everest. After about 15 minutes of laughing, both kids were asleep. We managed to stay awake for pizza and then we were asleep as well.

Today is a new day. Kingston tried cereal for the first time. What kid isn’t going to like Lucky Charms?!? He is busy exploring his new house and surroundings. Not much to explore given our lack of furniture. All is well for the most part. Will we have difficulties? Yes. Will our children struggle with having lived in an institution for a portion of their childhood, yes, but do all kids struggle with something?

I don’t look at them and see challenge. I look at them and see unlimited potential. I look at how far Everest has come in two years time. I look at how far Everest has come in just 6 months time. Right now Kingston is chasing a remote control car and squealing. He has potential.

I can’t believe I have kids. The fact that it is plural is outrageous to me. How did I get to where I am today? How did this all happen so quickly? I look at my children and I know that miracles do happen. I look at them and know that God exists. I look at them and see the innocence that is too soon lost. I look at them and see hope, faith and goodness. I look at them and I know that Ryan and I made the right choices. Although our family is not a conventional family, our family is just that, our family. Although their eyes are not ours and you cannot see the resemblance of us in their smiles, you will see Ryan and me in their personalities. You will see us in their manners. You will see us in their morals. You will see us. They may not be from us but they are part of us nonetheless. My children are my joy, my inspiration and my future. They are Everest and Kingston Lentz.

It's Official - Kingston is stuck with us

It’s official. Kingston is our boy. We took our oath and our visa gets picks up tomorrow and our guide is meeting us at the train station with it. We take the train to Hong Kong with another family and we’ll spend the night in Hong Kong. We are somewhat wishing that we had an extra night in Hong Kong. We didn’t know this little trooper would be as easy as he is. We are also not excited about the long flight home. The past few days have been sunny and hot. Today is 85 degrees and we are heading out to the pool. Last time I checked we didn’t have one of those in our backyard and I’m guessing the weather is not going to be even remotely close to 85 degrees. Facing reality is what we are having an issue with. Going home, establishing a routine and living our lives. I think we will be ok but I think that there will obviously be unforeseen challenges. Things are easy where we are right now. Our every move is taken care of. Our guide tells us where to go and when. In a way we can be mindless and in most ways we are.

Everybody is headed to the Pearl Market. We are deciding against going. You know I love to shop but bargaining with two boys running around is not going to be a priority. The boys need to wear themselves out in the pool. I think tonight we will lay low. The boys need to get a good night’s sleep.

Kingston is continuing to crack us up. I think I may love him. I am not sure yet. He is a trouble maker but he is a cute trouble maker so it makes it a bit easier to handle. The poor dear has no clothes that fit so today I asked the concierge for scissors and I cut off his pants that we got him in Beijing into a pair of rag-tag cut-off shorts. They don’t look half-bad. Actually they don’t look half-good either. That action garnered a bit of attention. Speaking of attention, I don’t think I mentioned the other day when we were at the park feeding the boys oranges. Everest had taken off his shirt, Kingston’s clothes don’t fit and Ryan and I were sweating through our clothes. There were no less than 30 people gathered around us. I took video of them watching us and talking about us. I kind of love that. Just the strangeness that we are to them. The strangeness that we are to our own selves.

We’re heading off to the kid’s playground at the hotel and then on to the pool. There is a bar connected to the pool. It is only 10:30 in the morning. We’re totally ok with that.